Archive for the Humour Category

Thomas Calnan Presents: The Double Header at Comedy Bar in Toronto on the 25th June 2016

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on 25/06/2016 by patrickivan

13529238_10154069993421066_3654361071731763453_n

Advertisements

Toronto Police Services Respond To Call To Ford Residence In Toronto…

Posted in Humour with tags , , , , , , , on 11/01/2012 by patrickivan

Ford neighbours reported seeing the Hamburgler skulking around the Ford house in Etobicoke today. The Toronto Police Services responded swiftly but reported to only find Mayor McCheese sitting on the couch watching TV.

Mayor McCheese could not be reached for comment.

 

UPDATE: HAMBURGLER ARRESTED AND UNMASKED!

Mayor McCheese made sure that no ONE stole his burgers! Not on his watch and certainly not from his McDonalds!

http://www.theg lobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/police-arrest-45-year-old-man-after-breach-in-security-at-toronto-mayors-home/article2298997/

 

Thomas Calnan. Up and Coming Comedian in Toronto, Ontario.

Posted in Humour with tags , , , , , , , on 02/01/2011 by patrickivan

To start 2011, I wanted to give a little plug to a long time friend of mine who just broke into the comedy scene in Toronto. At 36, I think he’ll offer something a little unique as he is new to this, and somewhat aged…

He’s also started writing comedic, yet informative articles for Cracked.com.

So take a look at his material. Here’s a short bit from Absolute Comedy, and a link to his article on Cracked.com.

Thomas Calnan’s article from Cracked.com: 5 Creepy Christmas Traditions from Around the World.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18941_5-creepy-christmas-traditions-from-around-world.html

Thomas Calnan does standup at Absolute Comedy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nJMs3RkkVM

Enjoy and Happy New Year!

————————–STAR WARS———————–

Posted in Humour, Sci-Fi with tags on 06/07/2009 by patrickivan

Part VII: The Revenge of the Lost Limbs

It was a time of great disturbance and pain in the Republic. The Empire was taking control of whole systems across the galaxy. But nothing compared to the atrocities taking place in places few dare to travel.

This is the heroic battle between good and evil- where life and limb were at stake for their, er, lives! This is the story unsung until now- This is the story of the Revenge of the Lost Limbs!

Okay, it’s really more a list, but you get the idea… This is a list of the limbs cut off on and by our main characters, with a few blown up bits for good measure!

Phantom Menace

Darth Maul: Sliced in half. Unfortunately, there can only be one Sith Lord and one apprentice. Old Mauly screwed this up by thinking two of him would be better then one…

The Clone Wars

Bounty Hunter changeling: Hand sliced off. She was hot too. I mean who doesn’t find green aliens hot?!

C3PO: Head popped off. Oh My!

Battle Droid: His head came off too!

Jango Fett: Head sliced off. Hat’s off to his son for picking up his pappy’s head!

Anakin Skywalker: Hand sliced off. Hmmm- I foresee a trend…

Revenge of the Sith

Mace Windu: Hand sliced off. He fell too!

Count Dukoo: Both hands AND head sliced off- clearly 2nd place for limbs lost. 

General Grievous: 2 hands sliced off. Or, whatever they were.

2 Clone Troopers: Hey! Little Yoda sliced off TWO troopers heads in one shot!

Anakin/ Darth Vadar: An arm and BOTH legs!

A New Hope

C3PO: An arm taken off by the Sand People. How rude!

Trouble making Bar Guy: One arm sliced off. Guess he’s no longer a wanted man.

The Empire Strikes Back

Snow Monster: Arm sliced off. He ate it after. Ew!

C3PO: Blown apart- sure it has nothing to do with a lightsabre, but we have to include him because he’s just had such bad luck!

Luke Skywalker: Hand sliced off (and not only was his hand sliced off just like dear old dad, but it was sliced off by daddy dearest!)

Return of the Jedi

Darth Vadar: tisk tisk tisk- Another Hand Darth?! Clearly our limb losing winner at 2 legs and 3(?!) hands!

Limb Count

By Lightsaber: 12 hands/arms; 4 heads; 2 legs; 1 torso.

Other: 2 heads popped off, and miscellaneous getting blown apart.

Conclusion

George Lucas clearly was a messed up SOB who was obsessed with hacking off limbs. It’s a shame he hacked the latest three movies. Hands up for those who liked the movies. What? No Luke, Anakin, Bar Guy, Grevious or Windu? You guys didn’t like the movies?